Sunday, November 25, 2012

This Time Last Year...

This time last year was actually quite a dark time in our lives. I haven't thought about it in a while, so much light and love surrounds us now that it is easy to forget.

We were told about the inevitable move to Comox in October of 2009 shortly before Ruby was born. In July of 2010 we were told to expect a letter from the Coast Guard detailing our move. The letter never came, but we held out hope. In December of 2010 Ruby turned one and we thought we'd be in Comox shortly so we got pregnant again with Elias in January 2011. But the letter never came, and never came.

I became distraught with an ever growing belly that we'd be stuck in Port McNeill in an already too small house with two kids, two cats, a dog ~ and a partridge in a pear tree! Still things got worse. My health deteriorated, I ended up with Gestational Diabetes and a toddler in tow. The letter finally came in June of 2011 but it did not state what I had hoped. Instead of saying we'd need to be moved with in 90 days like a 'usual' transfer letter stated, our letter stated we had 5 MONTHS before our reporting date.

I sobbed, Nick was gone away and my only tangeable saving grace was that my parents were visiting when I got the letter. And the stress began as we had to get the house ready for selling. My belly grew bigger, the summer got hotter, my health deteriorated along with my sanity. I was DESPARATE to get out of the 'too small' house and get closer to my family, my support network with my due date looming I spiraled into emotional distress.

I was nearly eight months pregnant, up on a ladder at 11pm at night painting the freakin' kitchen, "Toasted Almond," sobbing and trying not to huff in paint fumes. It was awful. The worst part was knowing that as the summer progressed and we had NO showings of the house, I would have to bring another baby home to that too small house, far away from the safety net of my family. It was almost too much to take. But I kept hoping that someone would come and want to buy the house. And then the verbal back and forth of moving our reporting dates added more uncertainty.

We brought Elias home on a beautiful late summer day. I am blessed to have such an easy going child, but then just about any baby could be considered more easy going than my Ruby girl!

Back and forth, the uncertainty of our reporting date held us in suspense. It was unbearable, but the letter we had, the only piece of paper we'd been given said we were to report to Comox December 13th 2011. That date was FAST approaching. I was trying to raise a toddler, a brand new baby, two cats, and a dog in a 2 bedroom house of 1058 square feet and keep it as immaculate as I could just 'incase' someone wanted to stop by for a viewing at the last minute. It was insanity.

And then the next letter came. Our reporting date had been pushed back to June of 2012. I couldn't breathe.

With my brand new son in my arms I couldn't breathe. I looked out the window, there were whitecaps on the waves. Looking into the greyness of the stormy sea and felt more despair than I had ever felt in my whole life. I couldn't even speak to my mother on the phone, all I did was pass it to Nick so he could explain.

Life was as bleak as it had ever been and I had to protect my two innocent babies from seeing Mummy be affected by the bleakness. I searched my soul. I clutched at my faith, I knew not what I should do.

At that very low point I think Nick silently understood that my psychy would never withstand another dreary winter on the north island. He suggested an extended visit to the south. But we pondered together what the logistics would be. And then as if by God's hand himself I had an ephiphany... My parents had an empty basement suite. Yes we retreated back to where it all began 10 years earlier. We'd first lived together there and would return. Some might say with our tails between our legs but I prefer not to look at it that way.

I feel like it was a tactical manouvre to retreat; collect our strength, rest our minds and nurish our souls within the protection of family before we embarked on a potentially frightening 'unknown.'

And so we packed up our truck. PACKED it to the rafters, kids, dog, basinette, stroller, baby swing, suitcases, xbox, computer, camping table, kids toys..... we hired a housesitter to look after the cats, who was herself in need of a place to stay while she sorted through her own 'unknowns'.  Down island we headed, back to where it all began.

We moved the double bed from my parent's upstairs guest room down to the suite, along with the tv from that room. My best friend gave me a crib/toddler bed she no longer needed for Ruby, as well as a futon for the living room couch. Elias slept in the bassinett. We'd brought our own kitchen table, made a make shift change table, and ran a line for the dog out the back. The second or third day we were there Nick and I headed downtown to Value Village and bought an entire 'kitchen' for $50. Cutlery, pots, pans, plates, mugs, cups, can opener, knives, cutting board, mixing bowls etc.

I know more than a few eyebrows were raised, as we'd moved from 1058 sq ft, to 750 sq ft. But it was worth it!

We arrived in the first week of November and stayed until the last week of January. We celebrated Ruby's 2nd birthday, Nick's 30th Birthday, Christmas, New Year's and my mother's birthday. Both myself and then Nick, came down with a terrible virus that made it look like we'd gargled with battery acid. Nick came down with pneumonia and was on antibiotics for a week. It was hell, but we were home with people we knew loved us and would look after us. Nick's mum Brenda brought us cooked meals. My sister took Ruby for a few days, my mother took Elias while I napped. With their help, I could forget for a while about what lay ahead.

We borrowed from my mother and set up a Christmas tree; making ornaments as craft projects with Ruby. We found all her presents from 'Santa' that year from a daycare which was closing out.

The new year came and we knew we would have to face reality. I remember Nick's step mother having to physically put me in the passenger side of the truck. I was dry heaving, sobbing, snotting and grasping for sanity. It was a very dark and scary time.

Once home, I had a renewed sense of optimism, I was going to sell my house or burn it to the ground! We started marriage counselling and simultaneously started advertising the house on facebook with serious vigor.

We arrived home on January 23 / 2012. I had friends graciously offer to host my family for an ENTIRE day while I held an open house on Feb 4. Only one couple came. And on February 8th they made an offer.

February 23 we made an offer on our house in Comox. We arrived back in Comox on March 23rd and got possession of the house April 2nd.

Life is an amazing ride! I wouldn't change any of it for the world!

Yin and must experience the darkness in order to appreciate the light. I am blessed.

"Sometimes lost in the current is where you need to be; to find direction when lost at sea." ~unknown

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