For the third time this year an acquaintance has gently reminded me that I demand too much of myself. I find this odd. ... Do I? Do I really? .... I am shrugging my shoulders, as I know no other way to be.
Life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Those in my most inner circle know that I'll gripe, and whine, and snivel, cry, sob and dry heave in existential wonder before I'll make the lemonade... but I still just make a sour face and do it.
Would I LOVE to have a handful of children? Yes. Do I LIKE having to give up my car and hop on a bike 4 times a week? No. Do I LIKE having a husband gone 50% of the time? Yes er No, er sometimes? LOL! He makes such a mess!
But in all honesty I just don't know how to not do what I'm doing. I try valiantly to get the kids out of the house for an activity EVERY morning, Monday through Friday. We're only out from 9-11:30, so we can make it home for lunch and Eli's nap. But I find that if I don't take the kids out, the house is just that much more of a disaster and the kiddies are BORED. I'm BORED and they're underfoot and things go sideways...
So yes that means I'm up before 6 am, showered and flipping eggs before 7am. Kids dressed and out the door for 8:40. Sometimes I can get the beds made and/or the dishes in the dishwasher before we leave. Most often NOT. But I don't stress about it anymore. The mess will be there when I get home and no one ever drops by spontaneously...mostly cause I don't think I know that many people in town yet!
I make lunch, tidy up the kitchen, put Eli to bed and try and play with Ruby for a half hour before I get started on some other household project/chore.
Yes, I have a schedule on which chore gets done each day;
Monday ~ Gymnastics in the am, swimming in the pm, empty garbages and recycle, vacuum downstairs
Tuesday ~ Preshool for Ru, Diaper Gym for Eli, Walk the dog, Garbage to curb, clean bathrooms
Wednesday~ Library in the am, swimming in the pm, sort laundry, scoop cat box, vacuum upstairs
Thursday ~ Preschool for Ru, walk dog, pump through laundry and play with Eli at home
Friday ~ Put laundry away, vacuum whichever room is disastrous
Saturday ~ Family time! Scoop cat box, play with dog, finish whichever chore I never started....
Sunday ~ Is a tricky day, either we're on it and so we can relax, OR we're scrambling to make up lost time!
Other than that I attempt to wet dust, clean window sills (it rains here a lot so mould can grow if one is not careful) and wipe out the fridge once a month.
Heck if I'm able to scrub out the fridge, dust the fan blades, and vacuum behind the couches twice a year I think I'm doing pretty good! No?
I don't spend too much time watching tv, there is never anything good on anyway. Plus I LOATHE commercials. I am addicted to facebook, which I'm making a conscious effort to only check twice a day... it's not going so well. I'd LOVE to read more, paint more and sing more. Even take an exersize class or learn to play an instrument.
I don't know, I just feel like I can't go to sleep at night knowing I wasted a day. Don't miss understand, when we don't make it to the library, I don't sweat it, I just pull out a craft for Ruby to do.
Or on days like today when both my guys are on antibiotics and Ruby woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I danced to Christmas music in my jammies until well after noon. Mainly because no one could stand not touching me for whatever reason. ... So there I was, hair all floppy from sleep, breakfast, snack, snot, pus, blood, apple juice and Lord knows what else crusted on my nightgown, but we danced because my kids needed me to dance.
Eventually I popped in a 'Rudolph' DVD and was able to sneak away for the 10 minutes I needed in a shower. After that I fed them lunch and when Nick came home I tried to put Elias down to sleep so I could start cleaning up the breakfast dishes at quarter to two .... but my baby wiped his nose on my shoulder, coughed in my face, smiled a sleepy grin and nuzzled his head into my neck, while his chubby hands clutched onto my arm. ... So I drew the blinds and crawled into bed with him for a nap! It was heaven!
When I woke an hour later, I sent Nick down for a nap. Ruby and I played with play dough she was given for her birthday. It's just before 9 pm and the house is finally in some sort of order, I'm still in snot covered clothes but my kids know they are #1. And that's the only way I know how to live.
As a question of general interest; does anyone else (after a day like today) realize just before bed that they haven't actually been out of doors? In that moment I panic and get a sick feeling in my stomach, so I send the dog out to pee and stand on the back deck in the darkness breathing two gulps of fresh air before I end the day. The peace of mind it brings is neurotic I know, but I never said I was anything but weird.